It’s always too little or too much with you isn’t it?
Too many people, too little people.
A museum is much like a park, or a cinema. A place to be alone in a crowd.
Do you remember the woman at the alcohol group? The peer mentor? She was your favourite. Do you remember how she used to say ‘ride’ the loneliness, just like she used to say ‘ride the addiction’?
She said, ‘let loneliness be there.’ She said, ‘let the loneliness be with you,’
On a more practical note she said, ‘You can go to a museum.’
Her audience blinked and shrugged.
‘You could, you could go to a museum.’ She repeated it again making sure it was an indisputable fact.
They organised a trip to the museum once. You don’t know how many went. You saw names written down a on a list though.
You’re alone now aren’t you? Amongst the crowds. Isn’t that how you like it?
You’re not alone enough to let go though are you? Not alone enough to give up or curl up?
You’d like to curl up now wouldn’t you? Then everyone would notice. Then someone would say something.
Someone might say ‘look he’s giving up?’
What do you want when you’re alone?
To be with people in different ways.
What do you want when you’re with people?
Depends how many but you’re always happy to leave. You’re happy to leave anywhere at any time. You’ve only just noticed that.
When are you yourself? When you are in between? When travelling between the two states?
No, that’s not right.
At the beginning. When you first saw Emma the other day. You were yourself for the length of that first hug.
And when you get home and no-one is in?
You are yourself for a while until you put your keys down.